Seems like this tour’s been going on since 1989.

Well, since About .4 percent of people have a doctor-diagnosed wheat allergy, Id say catering to that number would be a bad business practice. The gluten free crowd make me nauseous, and if you really are a .4 percenter, you’ll have to be aware that the dine out world isn’t tailored to your special needs.

Actual conversation I had with a cuntstomer one day:

Actual conversation I overheard:

Recently I was in a store and a little boy was blocking an aisle. His mother told him to move out of the way because he wasn’t the only person in the world. Mother of the Year!

Things to perfect: sleeves, collars, crotches. The judges notice those even when they don’t comment. DARTS. Waistbands. (I don’t know why so many designers screw these up).

I hear ya about linings. I tried a swimsuit this summer where the top turned out pretty well, but I did something bizarre with the bottom linings and it looked funky.

There is only one acceptable non-Rocky use for this song...

Raise your hand if you watched this movie 50389405983 times and practiced the choreography in your basement every evening. Oh, just me?

Also-

I would do anything for meatloaf, but I won’t do that.

Photo proof.

One time I flew from LGA to DCA on a 737 that had a total of 5 passengers on it. It was so cool, they let all of us sit in first class and we skipped the safety spiel and drank free liquor with the flight attendants.

Every time I see his Christian-Sharia loving fat face I just think...

gurrrrlll. I had a verbally abusive bf, smartest thing I ever did, along with dumping him. I’ve never turned back. Never, ever, ever, ever. My life would have been exponentially different and worse yet I would have been tied to a person who I thought I knew but clearly didn’t.

Same.

Smartest thing I ever did, just ahead of ditching the loser who knocked me up.

And now Rachel is claiming to actually be the Mail Kimp.