dude, you know this..

I'm not allowed to think of the children.

fries with that?
fuck yes fries!
this isn't Canada.

I just bring a lighter and a dirty joke.
It's thirty minutes out of an otherwise unproductive work day.

upvoting your grandmother for drinking and recognizing your father as undeserving

he had sex? no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
(washes hands, burns penis)

it bugs me like a man bun bugs me.
it screams douchnozzle.

This 'senior' narc sounds like a future Ted Cruz…

But it's caramel flavored!

go on…

Fingerhut seems willing to sell me an AM/FM radio toilet paper holder for 3 easy payments so my credit must be great. Plus, how did they know?

Puts away 2x4's and bowling balls,
considers scale.

Has anyone ever told you that you look like your father?

I call Mondays.

Fleeting, wasn't it?

Shart.
in that case it's perfectly cromulant.

it's the return policy,
that's how they get you.

'her' not it.
have some respect.

tldr

Bikini Ikea,