Damn irresponsible speculation. It's always getting me into trouble.

Remember when Brett Fav-ruh retired?

That knowledge alone will allow you to understand approximately 80% of the humor on AV Club. The other 20% is fart jokes.

Then why didn't he quit after Pulp Fiction?

Yeah, I'd be okay with a "merely disconcerting" loss of gravity.

That's why I've taken to watching every movie for the first time in a state of total inebriation. Hell, I saw Guardians of the Galaxy three times before I actually remembered what the hell happened at the end.

Hopefully it sets his career back on an upward trajectory, like his iconic role in Deep Blue Sea.

In a world… where things weigh slightly less than they did before…

I'll see anything by the guy who directed Tommy Boy.

Wait a minute. That's a composer pun, isn't it? Yep. You gotta get up pretty early in the morning to slip one past me.

You won the thread with that one.

My elderly fundamentalist christian aunt has been filling my Facebook feed with pro-Trump and anti-Hillary propaganda for months. So, this means that she must have a subscription to RedTube. Who woulda thunk it?

*Checks IMDB*

Don't you be trying to hornswaggle me, you dad-gummed varmint!

Does it help if he calls his ass "Martha"?

Gene Simmons walks in, looks around, and licks someone on the other side of the room.

Nabbit!

What about The Damned Yankees?

Both a reboot and a sequel? A Sequeboot? A Rebooquel?

Man, Peyton List is so hot, there are two of them. I didn't know they directed Ant Man.