Damn, a Kassendorfiad and a Narrator beatdown on the same day. I am Jack's joy and wonder.

"So I went, and it changed me, on some cellular level."
"It's like Hamilton!" says Todd van der Werff!

May God be with you, my son.

"What if we retitle it Wes Anderson's The Whimsical Adventures of Avenging Murder Tumor Boy?"
"There might be an issue with liability."

That would be a 165-minute board meeting with all the actors meeting the marketing team to design posters, action figures, video games, and cereals, and at minute 130 Daisy Ridley shoots out a producer's knee with a previously unseen shotgun and then everything continues on as before, because consumerism mumble mumble…

Or if Colin Trevorrow pulled off his face and revealed himself to be Michael Haneke, and the last shot was him looking at us full-face yelling "Suck it, audience!"

Come on, Chas Tenenbaum handled that shit himself, I don't know what this kid's problem is.

Huh. So it's basically Funny Games 2: Naomi Watts and Devon Gearhart Get Payback!

The reviews, with a mention of Kinja. (Basically what was said here.)

I've started moving my old Shield reviews over there. Formal announcement tomorrow.

Why I remember our witty zingers in the Great War, back in dickety-sixteen. All we had was our zingers, the Kaiser had invaded France and taken our bons mots. So I tied an onion on my belt—which was the style of the time. . .

There are always new ways to avoid writing about the actual work.

I just saw an ad for AV Club TV over on a Jezebel article, something I've never seen on a Kinja-platform site before.

I suspect if @disqus_7AOfmTpErb:disqus set up an open thread for the CZ you could all just hang there.

I freely admit I was going on the commenter's principle of "something I think I heard some time" but as an explanation, it fits the evidence. Any staffers reading this are welcome to chime in and correct me.

If you pay by the word (and the more freelancers are here, the more they do that), four 750-word pieces can get four times the clicks of a 3000-word piece for the same cost. Hell, let's say thirty 100-word announcements give you 30x clicks for the same cost.

The AVC has made it pretty clear that it doesn't give a damn about the commenters and only indulges the long-form articles because some writers want to do them. I fully expect the phrase "suck it, losers" to be used in the announcement.

(Begins playing "Nearer My God to Thee")

Carter is a lot more accessible than his reputation suggests, so I'm glad you found the article accessible. My piece on Metal Machine Music was kind of a noise Primer, so enjoy: http://www.the-solute.com/t…

You mean like if John Zorn did the Bond theme?
https://youtu.be/jljOQP4OlB0