It's also nice to know here and there, that when I get snarky out of boredom, there are genuine folk who want to engage in real conversation.

Never thrown a punch in my life. Got hit a lot. First time I tried, the thumb was on the inside. Never tried again. Never wanted to. Got good at words sometimes. Hey you want a guy with words? Date a langualogist.

It's already showing signs of dying by most TV critics. It's the new Twin Peaks. The only problem is the ACTUAL new Twin Peaks is infinitely better. No tits and dragons. We're grown ups, right?

Or did I do it for the unspoken masses? The 3 million people who attended Trump's Inaugural? Because, folks, it all comes back to Trump.

I enjoy Rick and Morty and still I can't go to sleep without watching a brand new Simpsons in the season. It started in '89, I started in '85. So live without it, even when it sucks, is unfathomable. And I enjoy Louis C.K. and the words of George Carlin - which are often poetry. And I like T.S. Eliot and Gatsby. …

I realize I don't give a fuck, does that count?

And I'd never touch sexy duck's mother what with all the STDs and such.

I'm joking. Please, let's be nice. I thought I just told a funny story

Then there was that other time I fucked your mother.

And calm down. I don't watch the show, I was just trying for an easy laugh.

I was 16. But them were the days.

Please shove it up firmly up your buttocks, sir.

And you know what - as a purveyor of television and expectations defied, I know enough about the show to comfortably say OF COURSE IT IS. My casual knowledge about your stupid tits and dragons show dictates as such. And I realize defying expectations. But, at the end of the day……tits and dragons. Grow the fuck up…

Once during high school, after working at a pet store for an afternoon - closing it down, waiting for my ride - a perfectly nice gentleman with a few kids pulled into the parking lot. He walked to the door of The Puppy Place.
"Oh, I'm sorry, sir, we closed for the night."
"Aw." He looked to his two little girls sadly…

Sorry to nitpick, but it's Smithee, not Smithers.

It's a really tough question, especially for someone like me, who hated Cabin Fever right out of the gate, flabbergasted that people like Peter Jackson championed it so vigorously (though, honestly, Jackson's name in horror has sullied ever since he started jacking off into Tolkien books). So, short answer yes with…

It's a really tough question, especially for someone like me, who hated Cabin Fever right out of the gate, flabbergasted that people like Peter Jackson championed it so vigorously (though, honestly, Jackson's name in horror has sullied ever since he started jacking off into Tolkien books). So, short answer yes with…

Under The Dome started out promising for about 30 minutes, then immediately began to suck when you realized it was just a Lost clone with Stephen King's brand on it. Zoo started out fun, even had a cute little Mulder/Scully vibe between Kristen Connolly and Billy Burke. Then it got crazy, yet remained fun. Then it…

Best Drive-In Double Feature EVER: Congo and Mortal Kombat.

I only remember the city and being incredibly underwhelmed. That, and the behind-the-scenes squabbles like Brando refusing to wear pants in some scenes, forcing Oz to shoot him waist-up and Brando constantly referring to him as "Miss Piggy" onset.