What's the statute of limitations on saying you're the "Party of…", anyway? I'm not an expert here but I feel like Lincoln might not want to be associated with the current crowd.

Schwarzenegger is a real movie star. De Niro, that clown's just Dirty Grampa.

When I read it I heard the voice of Ira Glass.

I'll say it. I don't need to be censored.

First movie I saw alone? Can't remember the name but I was maybe about six and I went to see this thing with Jesse Ventura and Carl Weathers running around a jungle while some invisible monster chased them.

Ah, Krazy Kat. Holder of the #2 spot on my "Things I've really, really, really tried to like but can only respect" list. Right under the music of Bob Dylan.

Have you even tried hugs?

It's like how Fieros can't be radar detected, dude, so you can take those things to 200mph on the open road and Johnny Law can't do shit.

What happens when a narco-sub filled with two tons of LSD is scuttled in the ocean? I'm still working on the punchline but it will somehow involve "Phish."

Still haven't seen it. Got to get me some Strange.

Philly to Orlando? I have to assume you got a role in a Universal Studios Theme Park musical based on Boys II Men?

Same goes with TB shots. If you get one, may as well get two.

I could use all those plugs with my dumb crap. A phone, an ipad, an ipod touch, bluetooth headphones, maybe charge up my mouse and keyboard while I'm at it. Oh, crap, and I have some bluetooth speakers.. I better buy one more.

That's the name of a 90s Cyberpunk foil if ever there was one.

What's the Venn Diagram overlap with Dane Cook fans?

This press conference is OVER!

All he's asking is that we completely eradicate racism before we start to worry about the other stuff. Is that so wrong?

If you twist VHS tapes to play them the wrong way, the opposite of what actually happened appears on the screen. It's basic science.

You know, holing yourself up in a dingy apartment and scrawling your crazy opinions in a large manifesto book that you'll never show anyone gets a bad rap these days. But I kind of think that might be more sane than public figures or business owners feeling the need to spout off opinions that they have to know is…

NBC did make many millions from The Apprentice. I'm not inferring anything, just a man asking questions.