Must have missed him before today.

I'm honestly a little surprised it took this long for a Trump gimmick account…

What a weak man we have as a president. Marco Rubio drinks Sheldon Adelson's piss on a weekly basis.

Felt like one most of the time.

SPOILERS:

I think the creators of South Park modeled Stan's sister Shelly after my sister. There was no girly scratching or kicking from her. Any physical violence she doled out was like being on the losing end of an underground pit fight. What made it even worse if you raised a hand to her you'd get a worse beating from my…

My sister and I didn't get along when we were growing up, but we're pretty cool now. I've never liked my little brother, and doubt I'd piss on him if he were on fire. I would stomp out the flames.

I must find these.

I'm playing that new AV Club game. You know, the one where you try to hit the " X " on the pop-up ad without jumping to another page? Great fun!

Honey roasted cashews…

On your birthday, it was an open season thing on you all day. It really bought out the weasels whose ass you could easily kick to be tough guys for a day because they could sucker punch you without retaliation. On kid was so bad, when his birthday rolled around he wouldn't leave his house for the day. When he came out…

One year, my dad picked us up at my mom's on Christmas morning to take us to our grandma's for Christmas dinner. Before we went in he said " I'm going to give you all your presents now. " He then handed us each a huge roll of bills bound by a rubber band. Our eyes all bulged out of our heads because the top bill was…

There was an old tradition in my white trash neighborhood growing up that on your birthday, you got a " birthday beating ". One punch for every year you had been alive, and you were not allowed to retaliate against whoever hit you or you'd get ganged up on and really beat up. I really hated my neighborhood growing up….

What kinda moron would stick a knife in a toaster? Everyone knows you're supposed to use a fork to dislodge your delicious toast.

* Trump carries the lifeless body of his one true love, Ivanka, who he wants to bang real hard, onto the Trump Princess. Pilots it into a hurricane. Reemerges at a Canadian logging camp months later *

* Jose Peterson is fired as Showtime's head of programming *

What, President drone strike, crackdown on whistle blowers, bad trade deal, bank bailout isn't shitty enough for ya? Man, there's just no pleasing some folks….

The story of my tits also involves obesity, type 2 diabetes, and the eventual amputation of my left foot.

I would honestly look forward to the annual " drunkenly dive bombing the White House Christmas Tree " ceremony.