Top class photoshopping there, Mr. McCown. Now I'll have a good photo to frighten my younger nieces and nephews over the holidays.

Seeing as you have broken beds during sex, I can understand why you would fear for your glasses.

My nieghbor's a Hell of a nice guy. His English isn't very good, so unless his kids are around it is hard for me to talk to him. He just moved in about a year ago from Brooklyn, and the cars always have NY tags so I assume they are friends and relatives visiting who don't understand the nuances of suburban parking.…

I'm getting to that point. I think I may start putting my garbage and recycling cans in front of my driveway on weekends, or maybe getting some traffic cones. I can understand doing it when my cars not there, or in my garage. But when it's sitting in my driveway it's just like " Really? "

I think my worst movie experience was seeing Saving Private Ryan in the theater. Seated behind me was a woman with her husband who were probably in their sixties. As soon as the soldiers hit the beach every time a soldier was killed she would say to her husband " Oh My! " or " How horrible! " or " My Goodness! " .…

Did you mow the lawn before or after you drank the absinthe? That would probably make for an interesting cutting pattern.

Not having an opinion about kale could really come back and bite you in the ass and really hurt your chances in the upcoming primaries…

Yeah, mixing so many different kinds of booze make me think this is definitely a " one and done " kind of drink.

I don't know how to make a murderer, but I know how to make an axe murderer:

By " washed up " do you mean he's suffering massive organ failure from eating thousands of hot dogs?

The National Hot Dog and Sausage Council is a legitimate thing? What a wonderful time to be alive…

Why should Stewart want to bury the hatchet? That article makes me think Maron's the only one with the grinding axes. " How come he's more successful than me? " makes Maron come off like a sullen teenager.

I would actually like to go back to some employers from my early twenties and ask " What were you thinking when you hired me? Couldn't you tell how high I was during the interview? Jesus Christ, one of you hired me when I was still drunk from the night before! What in the fuck kind of people were you turning away? "

I really can't figure out why the first mission to the moon was achieved with what by today's standards is primative technology, but all the technology we have now and we can't manage to go back? Remember a few years ago they launched an explosive device at it to prove there was ice there or something? Why didn't they…

I don't know that I'd consider the painting blasphemous, but it definitely is a testament to a guy with some serious ego issues.

While I'm all for a mission to Mars, how about building a base on the moon first?

You can't see it because he wears it under his shirt, but he is always wearing a necklace made of Martian ears.

I was hoping the dancing electrical wire was going to hit Tandy in the face, performing permanent electrolysis on that disgusting, waffle stained beard of his. So sick of looking at that disgusting rat's nest.

I assume it's from a link on another site about Trump. Or maybe when they Google " Trump " one of the AV Club Trump articles is one of the first articles listed.

I've been enjoying the amount of Trump supporters Disqus has pulled in from other sites. Their rich and storied comment histories bring me hours of entertainment.