Look around— urinal now!

"American Dreams Week"

Wookies are just puppies the first 18 or so decades

Han So young?

My favorite celebrity dream is from 4 years ago.
Bill Clinton and I were both dressed as Colonel Sanders and we spent the day at Universal Studios in Orlando.

But R Kelly is his African-American

What's the name of this article again?
I forgot

With more or fewer STDs?

Dubya almost won Wisconsin in both 2000 and 2004. I feel like the right wing there was bubbling under the surface.

You mean those assholes that now look like Lincoln compared to this new round of assholes?

On the plus side it looks like Kid Rock is probably just opening a restaurant instead of running for Senate.
I don't know who would look at that walking petri dish with greasy hair and say "gee I want to eat at his establishment". Probably the same people who would vote for him. Oh well, better to punish their own…

Ha! Actually one of the other ushers walked into the back of the auditorium right when (spoiler alert) Julia Roberts character dies and ripped a huge fart.

I was 16 and working at a movie theatre when Always came out. At the same time we were showing Steel Magnolias. Cleaning up after every show involved picking up tissues and smelling old lady perfume.

My cousin makes some awesome dry rub wings, but I still tire of them after about 2.

My dickhead Sec of State was a mealy mouthed turd on this one. Saying he would turn it over but Missouri doesn't carry a lot of sensitive info on voters so it's OK.

I think my friend's wife's best friend fucked that Maroon 5 bassist.

He apparently told Macron's wife she had a great figure. The only thing surprising about him saying that is Mrs. Macron is 64 yrs old. I thought women less than 15 yrs junior of him were invisible to Trump.

I know it's not the Met but we have museums we can shit in front of here too ya know.
—A pigeon in a Midwestern city

The only touristy thing I've done in SF is Alcatraz, which I truly loved. Well the cable car too I guess but I was actually using it to get from one place to another. Though if I lived there I probably would find a cheaper more efficient way to have traveled those dozen blocks.

I haven't seen her in anything where her acting was anything to write home about. And that includes my masturbation fantasy.