Wait, so I won't get a date wearing my cargo shorts?
Well at least I have plenty of room for a flask to drown my sorrows.

In addition to keeping water out of my basement in these midwestern floods, I spent yesterday searching fruitlessly for a black and white 8x10 glossy of C3PO and R2D2 on Tattoine that I got at the mall in probably 1979 when I was 6. It was signed by "Stormtrooper #2". To this day I wonder what power struggles went on…

"Baseball Chimp Goes to Summer Camp"

I'd prefer an annulment

May 2018?—you could have put that in the headline

Can you imagine all the Frumpy Trumpy women who will line up at his rallies thinking they have a chance at his cheeto dick after he gets divorced?

When will Wilco be suing Hotel Arizona?

Considering Dave was made in 1993 I think they were channeling more Ross Perot thinking.

I like that one better!
-a secretary

It's just chili

They lost their license and now they can't drive….their kids to soccer practice

He, he, dick, completion

Too Many Grandpas

Does he get to keep his tattered shirts?

Simpsons, eh?

Federal prison will be even harder

Just hearing the words "Presidents Perry, Carson, DeVos" has caused me to carve "Super Nintendo Chalmers Was Here" above my bed, if I hear President Sessions that'll be enough to get those feet tippin the chair over.

He'd probably appoint Kushner VP then

I don't think Kaine is any more pro life than Biden is. Yes they are both Catholics who are personally opposed to abortion, but don't force that on others.

Exactly, and Biden wasn't "cool" when he was picked. We discovered his coolness in office.