I'm conflicted on NYC
On the one hand it produced Donald Trump
On the other hand almost no one who lives there is voting for him.

Hey, Pennsylvania is into some kinky stuff.

Beating off an inch?
*Looks in pants*
Yeah that sounds about right

That reminds me, the pub down the street from me has a "bring your own mug" night every Thu. They'll fill it with Bud Light or similar swill for 4 bucks but only charge you 6 for better brews. I bring in an old Oktoberfest mug that easily holds 3 to 4 pints. I've thought about gluing a handle to a wastebasket and…

You'd have to be pretty ambi-Dexter-ous to do that!

Only to be broken by Paula Deen

It's been 7 hours and 15 days since I watched it.

They used to have 9 straight hours of "1000 Ways to Die"

After I burned the second or third "witch" I wised up.

For all this new equipment you might need to go to the bank for a Provolone.

"RoboRiot"

Joke's on you kid.
I was gonna use that hundred bucks to get you your first hooker
—Your Dad

The opening song is fantastic too.

You have 30 minutes to move your cube

HILLREY CALL TRUMP SUPRTTRES DEPUYL-,DEPLART-

To her credit, she never responded to my letters so
#notallcreepyolderguys#

They can't stop, and they won't stop

Trees Lounge from…."Trees Lounge"

Muddy Waters-"I'm Your Hoochie Coochie Man"
Billy Joel—"Angry Young Man"
Aaron Neville—"A Hard Nut to Crack"
Tom Waits—"Danny Says"
Fitz & the Tantrums—"Out of My League"
Foo Fighters—"Back and Forth"
Ha Ha Tonka—"Falling In"
The Pixies—"Mr. Grieves"
Trombone Shorty—"Say That to Say This"
Rod Stewart—"You Wear it Well"

Yeah, but he's a man, so that's OK