"Evolution? Whatevs."

It's no Homer's Enemy, but all-in-all, it's pretty damn good.

God and/or Gaia made the attractive big-eyed animals.

"And here's Africa, where Oprah's giving away free makeovers. Lots of terrible stuff going on…'cause they don't know The Secret!"

There was a 90s SNL where Marisa Tomei hosted. She and Tim Meadows were Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley. She (as Lisa Marie) just blurted out, "He's…got a monkey", in this perfect shell-shocked tone. As if her brain just shut down at a certain point, because it was all too weird.

I was visualizing them being too damn busy making me a sandwich for them to worry about it.

It doesn't work. Believe me, I can visualize me up a storm. And I do.

Not enough Elvish.

"This article title contains more mixed metaphors than an Alex McLevy at the Algonquin Roundtable."

Is this like the Belzer impression? I guess I might wonder who did it first.

Such a claim could only be true previous to 2009.

Look, I can deal with the loss of upvotes. It's just that now, I have to look within for validation, and strengthen my character.

I wrote this angry song about how the mods are bogus.

The winning move is…well, you know.

That's what everyone says, but it turns out that an upvote is isomorphic to 1, but a downvote is isomorphic to (1/2)i.

On the other hand, I read the articles a whole lot less. 95% of the time, it's straight to the comments for me.

They come in "Victorian", now!

In my case, almost never.

I don't know what the "goal" of the commenting system is (strictly speaking, it's people that have goals), but I AM interested in long winding conversations that go off topic freely, and AM NOT interested in these alternatives you propose.

Your core point is valid. I would prefer that the moderators have a limited scope of power on which they can act.