This film appears to have a strange magic and I can't get it out of my head. Don't bring me down and call me on the telephone line to say it doesn't look so fine like some sort of evil woman. Be the sweet talkin' woman who says that the movie I'm wishing for will shine a little love on us all, make me happy that I'm…

I wouldn't fuck that clown with Bozo's dick.

I'm both cool and smart, and devilishly handsome as well.

Too cool to care, too smart to take the bait; we all have our own take on things.

And he's been at it for decades. I'm mainly reacting to the notion that this is somehow surprising or disappointing, or those marveling at its contradictory nature. He's a troll; contradictions are part of the strategy. When your goal is to irritate people, one of the best triggers out there is, "What? What about…

How would we know? Who ignores anything?

Okay, but when is someone going to eat it?

"Who gives a flying fuck?"

All hail, King Troll!

"Get Louis B. Mayer on the phone!"

Few properties in Hollywood are sacred, but two unparalleled works of perfection you just don't touch: The Garbage Pail Kids Movie and Masters of the Universe.

Mmmmm, stuffed tomato…

It is unusual, but these are definitely, distinctively spider bites we're talking about. They seem drawn to her. Me, I don't know if I've ever been bitten by a spider, and I live in an area lousy with them.

My girlfriend always seems to end up with spider bites, so I'm pretty sure they've been trying to eat her for a while now. They tend to leave me alone, but then so does just about every other living thing on the planet.

St. Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go
I owe my soul to fucking Clickhole

Library? You think The Donald would allow his name to be slapped on some socialist bullshit like that? You want to read about Trump, pay up motherfucker.

"In tonight's top story, Z-grade filmmaker Uwe Boll and shouty restaurateur Gordon Ramsay are both dead after a particular intense conflict over demi-glace…"

Did she say that after coming back from the convalescent home while staring at sports cars and crying?

M*A*S*H Cab

Turn me on, Crash Test Dumbass.