… You know what would be a cool premise for a SyFy Original Movie? Frankenstein's Monster, only in this version Doctor Frankenstein lives on Bikini Atoll. Radiation from the nuclear tests has driven him insane and mutated his monster in horrifying ways, and meanwhile a party boat full of swimsuit-clad unknowns has run…

Brian Blessed was also one of the most delightful presenters Have I Got News For You ever had, in part because at the start of the episode you could see him experiencing stage fright, and then simply shouting it into submission.

Wait, Five was the one-armed baby zombie? That's kind of cool. Not many people can claim to have killed Sigourney Weaver while still a teenager.

Someone needs to mention Blazing Saddles, if only to point out that it's not a racist film; it just happens to have a lot of racist characters. And of course we all love it.

I thought Marvel's Scientology superhero was Triathlon.

That's the brand of Shou-Lao the Undying? I was hoping it would be more… burned-looking. That's just kind of a drunk bro tattoo type of thing.

I'd say it's because we already knew he was a racist reactionary dumbfuck, but then we also already knew he was a creepy misogynistic bawbag. So… dunno.

I don't think any of us are paid enough to analyse Mr Trump.

Well, I spent 11 years at all-male boarding schools, worked on building sites for eight months, and currently work in an 80 per cent male office. I have yet to hear anybody bragging about sexual assault.

Drainage could be awkward. Plus, living on the top floor is good for my calf muscles.

If he does take over the ticket, though, that's not exactly going to be an easy cell. "Mike Pence! He wasn't our first choice, or our second, or third, or… well, we kind of didn't even include him in the primaries because he was obviously a crappy option. But you should totally vote for him!"

That's kind of their role, in an ideal democracy. To tell the people the things they don't want to hear, and show them the flaws in the things they believe in.

Just because he has tiny hands, it doesn't necessarily follow that the clownstick is correspondingly diminutive.

He didn't say it was a happy marriage. It's been awkward, it's had its ups and downs, but America keeps going back to the same ideals.

"We thought we could control him. Only now we find that not only do we have a tiger by its tail, but the tiger has explosive diarrhoea."

And, if we've learned one thing from the latest* episode of idiocy, it's that a lot of his supporters think it's perfectly normal to talk about women like that. Which is… telling.

"And hopefully someday, he’ll be telling the story of how he tried to fuck America, and failed.”

Yes, we know what a Newton's Cradle is. That expression is just us trying to imagine how, exactly that would work. Biomechanically, I mean. It's just… worrying.

Do people kiss in the Good Place? Maybe it's just because the main focus has been on two mismatched couples, but I don't recall anybody getting physical with anybody else.

The real comparison we should be making is Lightning Jack and Quigley Down Under. But I've never seen Quigley Down Under, so I'm not the man to make it.