If that road map has Scarlett Johansson in 40s glammed up mode, then yes, I would very much like that road map.

I mean, there are the usual suspects like Bay, Ratner, Emmerich, and Boll, plus Daldry's brother in Oscar baiting arms Tom Hooper who all could take that title. But at least there's some semblance of flair and imagination in their works (as fucking awful as Bay is, he is an auteur in every sense of the word. A fucking…

*Peter slices open Wendy's eyeball as ants crawl out of Smee's hand*

Chivo Starr: "I'VE GOT BLISTERS ON MY FINGERS!"

Stephen Daldry. Richard Curtis. Slick Brazilian Crime Drama.

"Mmmmm hmmmmm! That's good pixie dust!"

Even Alejandro Jodorowsky thinks that the plot synopsis of Pan is fucking bugnuts insane.

"Seriously, Joe? I just got done doing 50 Fucking Shades of Ass Sucking Grey, and you put me to work on this shit?"

I thought his Go Full Retard performance was Jupiter Ascending?

Well, what's more important: your silly little comedy show or YOUR BROTHER STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIELD IN AFGHANISTAN?

Yes, yes, this is all fine and well, but what does the cast of the Divergent series think of his candidacy?

And to be "Trumpy" is to have the ability to do stupid things, including, but not limited to, making your playroom into a combination of a Lionel Ritchie and a Peter Gabriel music video.

One that might get me kicked out of the art house cinema guild: Terence Malick.

Don't forget Casey Wilson!

Seconding membership in the Carrie Coon Crush Fanclub. Talented and awfully perty.

Oh to be blessed with such an instrument!

The "Ream My Ass, Honey" trilogy will have its day in the sun, mark my words.

"No, honey, seriously, Brazzers has this great in depth article about the restoration of Abel Gance's Napoleon."

This always happens: people throw me out a window, tell me I'm Puma Man, then leave!

So Mr. Alton is it true that if you have a moustache and you fall from a great height, you'll fall at a ninety degree angle, breaking all the laws of physics?