I prefer his onion friend Vadinho.

Puma Man. Liberace in Dockers.

But what if you want the flavor of bacon in a dip?

"I want a lover with the sloooow hand…."

When even Armond White won't write an essay for it, you know it's gotta be bad.

MONSTER A GO GO.

"This friend of mine knew this low budget horror film, used to fool around with all these film distributors….one day the director found out about it, beat up the print so bad that it ended up in a restoration lab on Guerrero Street."

Guy looks like a chainsaw sculpture

"Tonight, Manos gets caught in a deadly game of cat and mouse…."

There is no way out.

Karloff is not worthy to smell my shit! That Limey cocksucker can rot in Hell!

"Drink Night Train, go to the basketball game, throw up under the bleachers…."

Well, they don't call John Carradine "The Voice" for nothing!

It's like having Joe Cocker as your bellhop!

"Hi, I'm Peter Graves. I was wondering if you could point me to the nearest porno theater, as I am reviewing a gay porno film."

Now I Wanna Be Your Dawes

Wait for the gay rights romance starring Jai Courtney and Sam Worthington.

"So Vadim, what did you think of the new Dawes record?"

No! Don't give the Internet anymore Great Jobs!

The Weinsteins REALLY wanted Kurzel and Company to Rastafy Macbeth, make Lady M a quirky, fun loving, spirited girl who loves Lisa Frank and Belle and Sebastian.