No, that's a bookcase. Sorry, but those days have gone by.

There is no way Booker gets the nomination. He's already marked as a Wall Street guy.

(Just kidding! He's not your dad and that isn't your house.)

Wait, Jay-Z…sounds familiar. Hmm. That's the guy who guested on that Foxy Brown track, right? Wow, he's done well for himself!

I used to do that exclusively. Sometimes I'd also amateurishly scratch out the holiday and write in the one being celebrated. (Or as a variation, I'd occasionally buy a gaudy children's birthday card for an adult and change the age.)

Dream On was an excellent show.

Well, depending on how you sit on it, the Iron Throne might take your right nut regardless.

I have nothing positive to say about the Serpent Society given that they killed me in the comics.

Yeah, I'll call bullshit. The majority of their seasons consisted of nothing BUT "ripped from the headlines" shit, primarily because it was easier than coming up with a brand-new story idea.

I heard Borg was so good he assimilated all his opponents.

you will be escorted from the premises.

Kinja is a truly awful commenting system used on the Gawker family of sites (e.g., Deadspin, Jalopnik, io9, etc.).

Politics is purely tribal now, at least for republicans. It doesn't matter what a person does, says or stands for, just that they're a member of your team.

The dude on the first cover looks just like James Marsden.

I am trained in gorilla warfare

I know, right?

In Michael's defense, "Date Mike" did look decent in a kangol.

I eagerly await the day when black twitter starts purposely using nonsensical, meaningless phrases just to see how quickly they can be co-opted by white society. It could be like a fun game: "Hey everyone…Buzzfeed just used my word! Check out their latest headline, 10 Things That are So Shnarpy. I win!!"

I don't feel bad at all. Go put that Ryan girl on the phone and I'll tell her how ridiculous her name is. I don't care if she cries, she needs to hear it.

dammit…I'm too slow again. I dream of someday being the first one to make the inevitable Emma Stone-as-an-Asian joke in these threads.