I got a dick she can look at.

No more yankee my wankee etc.

What is a whistle tip? Also, what is a tailpipe? Also, what is a girl?

This "cat" fills me with existential horror. It's almost comforting to know that someone is profiting from the meaninglessness of the universe.

Also, he's a black stormtrooper. Or he's the black stormtrooper.

"Chewie, we're home."
"Groawwwwr!" [We're too old for this shit.]

I haven't felt this excited since….

"And all of the cynicism in the galaxy instantly evaporates."
Jesus Christ, O'Neal, it's true, goddammit.

No dogs make it a thousand miles through the cold!

WELL FUCK YOU TOO!

Well, normally you land the plane first…

Nobody would pay for the non-deviant androids.

Glares around in anger at the silent room, a room muffled by trillions and trillions of little triangles of paper cut off of the corners of documents in order to make them look syfy-y.

Lando is going to be the secret villain of the new movies, directing events from the shadows.

You won't like me when I'm Ang Lee.

Cherish those memories. Your status as a sex offender means you'll never be within speaking distance of a third grader again.

Boz Scaggs.

Or Gary Numan's "Cars?" It's in a similar van.

Racism: half a star.

About time? It's less than a year old. It seems that Last Week Tonight has confused your sense of time. Take two of these and come back next year tomorrow.