That might be more effective if you weren't wearing the dog costume.

I thought that the Roman Polanski defense was being-older-than 14.

I like to start out new relationships by insisting on how not-creepy I am. I find that doing so puts everyone immediately at ease.

I don't have any feet. Fuck your method and fuck diabetes!

Nice try, Chris Hansen.

Hey, does anyone want to hear my pitch for a movie about a couple of straight white writers who put on blackface and dresses and pretend to be lesbians in order to get a job? It's a sequel to White Girls and it'll star Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn and it'll be called Black Bitches. Anyone? Anyone?

'Round back…whoops!

That's his fault for not raking through enough female flesh lawns.

I told you, we just grow sorghum here.

Not in this instance, Dirk!

He said "obelisks," not "mashed potatoes."

Those aren't your memories, they're somebody else's. They're Tyrell's niece's. OK, bad joke, I'm sorry… No, really, I made a bad joke. Go home, you're not a Replicant…

Hey, look at those daft trees! They're fucking daft, they are!

Or it works, but everyone ends up murdering each other over vanishing supplies of drinking water and food?

You sound like the type that vaccinates their children. I'll pray for you.

They tried that in Throw Momma From The Train, but it all ends up being a children's book. That movie was terrifying.

I can't think of any reason to work on a project with Olivia Wilde either.

Can we get a serial killer that uses jump scares to kill his victims? Like he lures people into a place that has spikes in the ceiling and then when everyone is straining to hear something he leaps out with his trumpet and blasts them with a burst of crazy trumpeting causing them to jump into the spikes? Because…

Scarlett's Two T's

You bumped it? I was sure that it was a dream.