We can't bust heads like we used to. But we have our ways. One trick is
to tell stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry
to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for m'shoe. So I decided to go to
Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I
tied an onion to my belt, which…

Smooth. He totally bought it.

Smooth. He totally bought it.

Smooth. He totally bought it.

I still occasionally watch Detroit Lions games.

I still occasionally watch Detroit Lions games.

I too would like to express my fondness for that particular, uh, commenting system.

I too would like to express my fondness for that particular, uh, commenting system.

Nope. He was REALLY old.

Nope. He was REALLY old.

Yeungling are Trump stooges. Do not buy.

Yeungling are Trump stooges. Do not buy.

When I was 11 I accidentally spilled a plate of scalloped potatoes on an old man's back and was too afraid to tell him.

When I was 11 I accidentally spilled a plate of scalloped potatoes on an old man's back and was too afraid to tell him.

All this drinking, violence, destruction of property. Are these the things we think of when we think of the AV Club?

All this drinking, violence, destruction of property. Are these the things we think of when we think of the AV Club?

It has never felt like an Arby's night.

It has never felt like an Arby's night.

It has never felt like an Arby's night.

I'm only posting here because I don't want to work!