Apparently he now dimly recognizes through the haze of hair-growth medication that it's a terrible bill, but on the other hand he would have to care about that to actually do something about it.

Covfefeggetaboutit.

I am amazing at ignorance. The best, most ignorant!

I assumed he meant 'mein', meaning manner.

I love the executive power glove! It's so mean!

Atrophied soul, chronic cretinism, myopic conscience, citric pigmentation disorder and arrested humanity syndrome.

I didn't expect your words to hurt so badly. But I deserve them. I deserve them.

…Actually, it might be therapeutic for people to heap abuse on me. I look just like him, and due to my low sense of self-worth and abiding guilt for my many failings, I welcome your righteous anger.

If I have in any way insulted you or made you uncomfortable, please allow me to unreservedly apologize.

“For Brutus, as you know, was Caesar's angel: Judge, O you gods, how dearly Caesar loved him! This was the most unkindest cut of all.”
-William Shakespeare

I've quoted it before, but it bears repeating:

(Begins taking careful notes)

I can?? Uh… any one in particular?

You… know some interesting people.

“I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: Oh Lord, make my enemies ridiculous. And God granted it."
-Voltaire

Honestly, from the outside it looks like your whole country is having a psychotic break.

He could be quite a saucy fellow.

Shakespeare at least gives Shylock a voice, and explains how his hatred and desire for revenge is born of persecution and cruelty from the people of Venice. For the time in which it is written it's remarkably progressive.

Absolutely brilliant writer!

My God, my God, look not so fierce on me! Adders and serpents, let me breathe a while! Ugly hell, gape not! Come not, Lucifer! I'll burn my books!
-Christopher Marlowe, Dr. Faustus