First he loses the Republicans with self-respect. Then come the critical thinkers, which is barely a blip in his case. Next come the weasels and joiners who are tired of being called out for their stupidity, and finally all you have left are his most loyal supporters: bigots, misogynists, misanthropes and complete…

Because first it's Schneider, and no one cares. But soon the Republicans will come for all of our third-rate ex-SNL comedians. Have you seen Dennis Miller recently? He has dead eyes.

I'm just going to ignore him to death. It worked for Roger Ailes! As soon as I really started ignoring him with all my heart, he died.

Trump is just a dim, racist buffoon. It's his supporters who remain the real problem.

"I never in my life argued with a piece of cake or a bowl of ice cream.”
-Ray Bradbury

'Eager' is probably the wrong word.

Mustard is good for you. Have you tried brown mustard?

(Opens fire)

(Opens fire)

Just throw a lamb head into a pot of rice, then scoop the resulting slurry into your mouth with your stubby fingers.

Guy From Harlem: "Please send up a New York strip steak, well-done."
Room Service: "Uh, sir? What sort of an idiot would order a New York strip well-done?"
Guy From Harlem: "I'd also like a bottle of scotch."
Room Service: "Yes sir."
Guy From Harlem: "J&B."
Room Service: "Wha..? Sir, are you sure? J&B is literally the…

As much as I like Pugs and Bulldogs, it's a crime what's been done to those breeds.

…Could you stop doing that, please?

"A great man knows when and in what way he is a little man. A little man does not know he is little and is afraid to know. He hides his pettiness and narrowness behind illusions of strength and greatness, someone else's strength and greatness. He's proud of his great generals but not of himself. He admires an idea he…

I suppose wrecking a perfectly good steak, slathering it in catsup and then sawing off pieces of it to stuff into one's mouth is a form of self-hatred.

Listen to your feelings. You know it to be true.

Honestly, it's an awful way to eat an awfully prepared steak. Judgement matters.

We demand macro-criticisms only, and lots of them!

To be fair, it's not just people who hate America that support Trump. A lot of them just hate women and visible minorities.

Uh, thanks 'professor', but I'm not one of those eggheads who knows what things are called.