What is the next thing you're eating today and can I have it?

What was the last thing you ate and can I have some leftovers?

Remind me to thank your parents for continuously practicing bringing more little bongoes to life every week through their raw-dog bare-back hard fucking. Even though none of them ever survive past the night… I need a moment. Those brave little soldiers.

Remind me to thank your dad for not splooshing out on your mom's face that one time. He was a brave man to make that sacrifice. His country thanks him.

Remind me to thank your parents for raw-dog, bare-back hard fucking.

I can't be seen with you.

I just finished catching up to Veep this summer. I fucking love it. It also feels like a behind-the-scenes show but probably more grounded than House of Cards.

Dammit! The first comic book movie I was actually excited for. DREAMS HAVE BEEN DASHED AND GOOD DAY TO YOU ALL

Awwww. I really enjoy Jessica Jones, but Don't Trust the Bitch is truly timeless.

I saw the national tour recently! It was a lot of fun

Well you guys are my main source of news sooooooo at least you guys know I can't ever leave.

Oof. How am I still in the top twenty? Guys, I think we need some new recruits…

That reminds me of the fact that bongoes still refuses to admit that he once called Eric Andre "annoying". My memory may be bad, but no one should be going around planting false memories in my head!

They made us practice check-writing A BUNCH in school and my mom used to make me fill out some stuff on her checks while we waited in the bank drive-thru line, but now debit cards are more of a thing in our lives so it's kind of a pointless skill now.

I saw the first episode of Bajillion Dollar Properties. It wasn't mind-blowing but I enjoyed it. I considered signing up for that but now I have a really great reason to sign up. Plus, Jeff (I MEANT JEFF, OK!)…. *eyebrows waggling*

Screw you, Scrawly!

I'm so glad my handwriting is already in cursive. That SAT honesty pledge took me 30 seconds to write out. You guys might be smarter than me but I can write in cursive! HUZZAH!

There's never been more of a reason to subscribe to Seeso than now.

You guys should all co-star in the reboot of the Steve Martin 1979 movie!

Pretty "kitty" on a leash "meets" 50 "dogs" at a "dog" show