I would gladly spend the day rewriting Paul Simon lyrics to fit Trump's idiosyncrasies, but I imagine it would lead to a nasty POTUS Tweet since I'm sure he tried to nail Carrie Fisher once and still holds a grudge against Paul.

that would add at least one millllllion dollars to the cost.

Not in the remake, apparently.

When something goes wrong, he's the last to admit it and the first one to know.

"Are there any Muslims in the audience tonight? Get them up against the wall!"

Especially if you were counting on Meals on Wheels to deliver it…

Since "Nurse Jackie" he's been swinging and missing…

I know. Things of quality are so tiring when we can just have any old shit thrown together in a computer in about five minutes.

I heard he went Jewish for the jokes.

Apparently, you can play the highway scenario in this game.

Push the "dick" button. Keep pushing it….. That's a lot of dicks.

This show is like a mix of Lynch and Wes Anderson with a touch of Godard. It is so fun.

And then worrying about what will be said Monday at school.

Fill me with your future dependents!

She really is just his Harley Quinn, isn't she…?

In Xanadu did Kubla Khan a stately national park decree…

They are, in fact, so like us.

The sick burn of posting a Win-Loss record is diluted when you stand at 0-1 in all the races that mattered.

I look forward to the 84 Lumber commercial about all the Maslanys and the big, beautiful door to citizenship they find. Made of lumber. And stacked clones.

Speaking of covers, the cover of "She Don't Use Jelly" on the special edition of "Whatever" is one of the most fun covers I've ever enjoyed.