*ominous slowed down version of Oscar Mayer song plays in trailer*

My home is G rated.

She must have ADD. She couldn't even look me in the eye for longer than two seconds.

Talking out of turn? That's a pettin'. Looking at my shoes? That's a pettin'. Controversial opinion? Oh, you better believe that's a pettin'.

"Cafeteria?!? But that's the same room…"

I'd like this show better if all the celebrity guests were also in prosthetic makeup playing different imagined celebrity guests.

If Christ Ebert is real, why does he allow bad movies to happen?

I guess then so do I! (I didn't realize Mom and Dad count.)

Back in my day, if a bunch of us guys were hanging out drinking beers and one of us suggested that we take a photo, that person would be mocked for the next five years to life for that transgression.

And they say religious schools don't teach sex ed. That's more straightforward than the indecipherable diagrams I got in public school.

The jackin' in Chicago is a joke. New York jackin' is the real deal.

Well that seemed like a waste of a birthday wish.

Could it be two things? …at the same time?

Case closed. Or is it? After the break, we'll examine the bombshell theory of the Fake Shemp.

The true crime murder show is hosted by Leno though.

I always love the press releases that say something along the lines of "despite how fantastic and beloved the high quality show X was, we decided to go in a different direction". It's like a classy way of telling you they have decided to try the opposite approach of shitty shows that get ratings.

I take the opposite approach and only have a limited amount of candy and make the trick-or-treaters vie for my attention and full size candy bars. Only the most imaginative costumes will survive the Thunderdome! Sorry 'kid wearing a monster mask and street clothes', better luck next year.

Oh, I see. The beliefs of others are pushy and your specific brand of belief isn't due to its high importance. That makes sense now.
Well best of luck with eternity!

I can't tell if this comment is comedy or if it's more Christian. Either way, I love the fact that as a Christian you don't like people pushing their agendas on you and you close out your comment by pushing your agenda on us. Classic!

I'm not trying to be pedantic but…