I'm pretty sure he just steals some from dad and writes "Jr." in pencil next to his name.

Dear Jr,
I'll let your worthless ass run my companies when I'm dead and buried or you fuck a bowl's worth of Cheerios without breaking them.
-Dad

That's because you need to find a handybus.

I'm lovin' it!*

Like a March Madness bracket, only those candidates that effectively run their states without burning it to the ground get to move on to the next round and gain more states to control.

Dr. Rockso looked good back then.

Dammit! And now that song is stuck in my head again.

Oops. Turns out that guy was just a stoned teenager playing on the jungle gym. We have no idea where your kid is.

But green M&M's are the ones that make you horny!

The one babysitter I had a crush on, I liked solely because she would bring over her brother's NES and a bunch of games. I still feel like she was leading me on.

I'm so sorry, but we already spent the $10k. We had to trademark Newswire - GET THE LATEST™

That was a pretty straightforward and common answer to the question. I'm not sure why you're being intentionally obtuse. Are you trying to make some greater point or just trolling?

Dude, are you saying maybe we all are robots? *mind blown*

Rear view mirror ornaments.

Build the walled garden! Only AOL can save us from evil Nigerian princes and nasty illegals looking to a/s/l our children!

You want a Spanish Hog Anus? I can get you a Spanish Hog Anus, believe me. There are ways, Nerdherder. You don't wanna know about it, believe me. Hell, I can get you a Spanish Hog Anus by 3 o'clock this afternoon… with nail polish. These fucking amateurs…

Shopkins spread like a virus through the schools. I found my self standing in a Toys R Us with 10 other parents all asking their kids some version of "What is this and where did you hear about them?".

Shirtless Tales?

MyTwoPence69@aol.com was just too good an email address to let go.

Dude, I've never noticed it before, but my workout playlist is hella aggro and it's bumming me out.