I remember a time when people put effort into their fanfiction, or at least made it sexy.

You're clearly missing the point. We just need to merge the jobs of journalism and policing. If they are racist, they'll just report on themselves. No more whining about access!

Won't someone please think of the Bushes?

If you were given access to all knowledge of the cosmos, would you rather know how life began on Earth, or how it will end?

Yes, but he's 56,510,426,702 Marlboro Miles.

Both? I don't see how that can be.

So the legends are true……

The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, and a Wrestler 2: This Time It's Just a Bunch of Wrestlers

"Apple pie". It's from turn of the century comedies where pastry fucking became a popular activity for hilarity.

I don't get it. Is this newswire to remind us of yesterday's newswire? Or is this newswire to highlight the news from a different wire where they did new reporting about yesterday's newswire?

"We just decimated that tower. Why do they not run in fear? Are they…..are they cheering?"

Mo' money, Bo problems.

Is it sad that my interest in a new Thor movie is going to be directly proportional to how much Hulk is in it?

Hell yes. And it better have Fred Ward (at least passing the torch and going out in a blaze of glory).

We get it, Grandma. You really like It's A Small World. But until you find the missing clicker, you're stuck watching whatever is on already.

It's still just the one, but now they use both earbuds while listening!

Happy New Year! We made it out alive!

"Hundo" Richie is my pimp/boyfriend.

Wow! You've really stepped up your game to impress Jodie Foster.

My wife and 7 year old daughter were shocked to learn he wasn't real after I told them. I was surprised they didn't notice anything even slightly off about him.