I'm pretty sure he went around solving mysteries with his friends.

This is 'Murica! Ya'll need to be speakin' Englassh.

"Pigeon pie? Verjuice? Horseflesh? Sweetie, I don't think they have any of these things at Piggly Wiggly."

I don't know about that. My neighbor's big dog humps legs on the reg.

That's what he gets for hiding in the woods behind my house.

I thought the reason we made so many millenials was so we could drain them of their youth once the technology was ready?

Everything I cook tastes amazing when you're drunk off your ass.

Pete,

Now, THAT is creative! He was right to judge us for missionary style.

Yeah, but you had eaten lunch already.

I put my hand up on your hip
When I dip you dip we dip
You put your hand up on my hip
When you dip I dip we dip

Amy Adams in a movie with aliens? I guess you could say Arrival….

So it's gone from "Mexico will pay for the wall", to "Mexico will pay us back for the wall", to finally "we'll help less and use the savings for a wall"? Correct me if I'm wrong, but if we just give less aid to Mexico, aren't we just spending our own money to build the wall? If you donate less to your church over…

Well, apparently they're important to slightly over half the country based on the popular vote.

You see, a normal, rational person would look at their candidate and think: "You know, I'm on the same side as the KKK, birthers, MRAs and climate change deniers. Maybe I should think really hard if this is who I want to associate with."

I've never understood the mentality that welfare and universal healthcare are handouts to lazy and unworthy people, but the gubmint needs to get me my job back because I won't be bothered to get an education or try to do anything outside the coal industry*.

Huh. That was the strangest fortune-cookie fortune yet.

Well, when you're right half the time, that means you're gunna be wrong the other two thirds.

How did you get the roulade to keep its shape? Did you substitute foil for the plastic wrap?

Just answer the question! Captain America or Tony Stark? Quit hedging your bets!