I always thought that fun begins at the coke dealer's house.

Don't blame me. I voted for Brendan Fraser.

For an all-you-can-stand buffet of laffs?

If you squint really hard, Dana Carvey could pass for a grandma.

I have a sneaking suspicion that the Bible Belt is home to a record number of DVRs that have old episodes of Real Sex saved to them. At least according to my doctoral thesis.

That's just Ryan Lochte. He's doing the backstroke.

All you really need is just some gasoline and a lit cigarette.

You noticed? Thank you!

*looks pained - blown off dick lands in soup*

Don't do it. The face never looks like Pamela's, and with all her exposed boobage, your manager at the KFC will always make you wear long sleeves. Trust me, brah. It's not worth it.

We're still in beta. That's the only thing that explains Trump.

He's magnificent.

They should just do a special edition version. A little CG alien dance number here, a few wide-right blaster shots there…….and done. $250 million the easy way.

No one had the heart to tell you that you were just sitting on Steven Tyler's lap the whole day.

Hey! This envelope just has tickets to Corey's concert at Daytona Beach Municipal Stadium to be performed during the 7th inning stretch near the restrooms!

At Best Buy they don't work on commision either, but they track sales to see who gets to keep their job and who gets to buy their own pizza.

I was prepared to be disappointed after reading reviews and hearing some things, but I absolutely loved it. I can see where some bits may have crossed a line for people, but now that we live in the Age of Trump, I don't think it's possible to go too big.

That's horrible! You're history's greatest monster (anus)!

Wait, so the cops knew that consumer affairs were setting them up?

Hell yeah. I don't need no one telling me what science is. I make my own science! Facts is only facts until you disagree with them.