Heists, parties with Alan Thicke, and shacking up with celebrities wives? Fuck! Truman Capote's cremated remains have more of a life than I do.

Famed harpsichordist Richard Wallflower?

Boondock Saints 3: Squeezer to the Dome

I assume the class was pass/fail?

Eve was made just for Adam. She came from his McRib.

If you're fast enough, you don't even need to buy it.

Lil' Bobby.

Get out of my Grandpa!

Ryan Seacrest was busy doing blow.

Bro, are you still wearing your swimming suit? Why is the seat all wet?

I'm pretty sure Peter is his Martian name.

"Great set you guys! Hmmm….but it needs something else. What the..? Beyonce and Bruno Mars?!? What are you guys doing here? Well, as long as you're here, lemme see something…. Coldplay, could you take a step back, please? Great. And another? Nice. One more. Keep going…"

It shall be as 'twas foretold! The Dawesening has begun!

Sssshhhhhh! I'm trying to watch movie.

No, my wife makes me wear pants when we have guests over.

I feel like my initial comment came off sounding more harsh than I intended. I wasn't trying to attack Tarantino so much as I was trying to defend Wright. I have no problem with filmmakers referencing other material and doing something new with it (it's part of the reason I like Stranger Things so much). I just…

When my daughter was around age 5, she had a playdate come over. The visiting girl asked me if I knew where the first people on Earth came from. Not wanting to step on anyone's toes, I said "There's a few different idea's on that subject. What do you think?" She replied, "I'm pretty sure everyone came from God…

*head explodes*

Practically ignores the content

"Daddy, is Santa fake like in that Gremlins movie we saw?"