He's well-off. Lives in the suburbs of Chicago, not the actual city.

And that one Ugnaught. You know the one.

Don't get cocky, kid!

Han married first.

Hokey puns and ancient play-on-words are no match for good timing, kid.

He's gonna villify the fuck outta those geese in this flick.

You misspelled "Chris Pratt".

*reads article* Who are these people? Friends of yours, huh? Now this really pisses me off to no end! *starts going in circles in motorized wheelchair*

How dare you try to make me consider Adam Sandler, AV Club!

There's a burger joint here in Chicago called Kuma's that names all of their burgers after metal bands. The Mastodon is actually my favorite.

Don't be ridORKOlous.

Eat your throwup. There are kids in Africa starving.

*throws up in mouth alot*

That explains Eragon.

Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Jingled?

But he still hasn't seen The Wire!

I love The Lion's Mane. Primarily because it was one of two stories where I figured out what was going on before Holmes did.

"This contract is written in jibber jabber!"

Patton Oswalt tweeted: "If Andy Kaufman's still alive, Letterman's last show would be the place to reveal it."

THIS IS AN IMPORTANT ARTICLE.