If you're famous, they'll just let you do it.

I mentioned this story a while ago: I was best man when my friends got married, so the bride and groom and I went to the tux rental place. The maybe 19 to 22-year-old guy working there asked if I was the father of the bride. I'm 8 years older than she is. A couple of years later I was at a party with them and someone…

I gave up on dating because I reached a point where I could see it wasn't going to happen for me. I once drove 65 miles (I live in a rural area) to meet someone and all she did the entire time was talk about how she wished she could get back together with her ex-boyfriend. But I hope you will have better luck in the…

Along with people trying to push McConnell back into the ocean.

1,000 monkeys and 500 typewriters, because it's on CBS.

Working at the Department of Redundancy Department.

I coulda been a bacontender

Baconista?

Racist!

Moore will be arrested by wildlife agents for harassing a sea turtle he thought was Mitch McConnell.

Of the Cape Cod Penisskulls? A very respectable family.

"Please get off the computer, Mr. President."

And I was really enjoying the peace and quiet before the universe came into existence to ruin everything.

I noticed that, too. I thought it was my satellite internet connection. It cut out completely yesterday due to heavy clouds and rain. So many witty comments left unposted.

Don't Trust the B in the Little House on the Prairie

Electric Cujoloo

He can hire one of Andy's brothers.

I have that bookmarked.

Ruh roh!

Cujo, too.