He's just joking. He meant to say he's leaving for lunch and he'll be back in an hour.

All those alarm clocks going off at once is a scary noise.

I keep cancelling all mine.

You're right.

Are fruit nonvegetables?

He just makes his own awards with the 3D printer he owns.

Jon Stewart once won an award for Outstanding Achievement in the field of Excellence, so don't you look stupid.

When he did his show in a closet. It's a pretty impressive size closet though, to fit that many people.

I don't know you well enough to share those feelings.

Not me, I'm going to live forever.

I'LL BUY THE WENDY'S YOU WORK AT, BECOME YOUR MANAGER, THEN FIRE YOU.

I want to see that now.

I would watch a show with those three. The Three Amigos of Comedy.

Can I get another invite? I lost mine.

I misread that as selective fart understanding and tried to figure out what that meant. Is it every three?

Or pro comedy wars.

I usually watch Facts of Life on DVD.

I, use, all, of, them, always,,,,,

I pretty much just do whatever Oprah tells me to.

The comments are hilarious. A bunch of private accounts jumping in to attack Jon Stewart over some random political thing.