Dang. Next thing you'll be telling me that because I'm overweight I should be offended by a healthy guy playing Chief Wiggum and all the body shaming they do with the character.

A stranger on the Internet named after a Captain America villain with a big head and useless arms has judged me harshly and found me wanting. The only thing to do is wait for my second to come over with his katana so that he may behead me after I perform the traditional rite of seppuku.

Give me Dorian and I'll try to not sound like Santana.

How often do you have to use the perfume before you gain the ability to project energy pulses from your hands? Asking for a friend.

They look nothing alike. Maybe try remembering that Larson has blonde hair?

Exactly. I don't know why people are struggling with this. Or why they seem to think she might have to learn Muy Thai or something for the role. It's not like she's going into the Octagon with Gina Carano.

I got "The Biggest Mattress Innovation Since Grandma's Hipster Days." I don't know why insulting one of my grandmothers is supposed to make me want to buy their product. And why would my grandma know enough about mattresses to understand why theirs is so cool? If they're implying that my dad's mom was kind of a…

Okay, now I'm interested. And not just because I was madly in love with her when she was on Chuck. She is seriously awesome.

Brie is actually half-Jewish on her mother's side, so does it help to know that one set of grandparents may have had to deal with racism and segregation back in the day? Or does that not matter because she looks white?

Everything else? Do you have a camera in my bedroom or something?

I forgot how much people overreact to stuff around here.

He's too busy being the police stuff expert on Fox News.

I love the passive aggressive "No, I don't want important updates" thing they make you click on to get rid of the popup. That really makes me never want to sign up for it.

Other women. The gorgeous ladies never wrestled men. The show was all about hot girl on girl action.

And why couldn't they cast a real dog instead of Paul F. Tompkins? They're a bunch of cis male honkey speciesists.

As an evangelical Christian, no I don't.

His I.Q. was really low, but he was also basically superhuman with the running and the ping pong. But yeah, he wasn't stupid so much as childlike and able to take joy in simple things.

Michael Moorcock wrote that version back in 1967 in a book called Behold the Man. A time traveler goes back to find the historical Jesus. That turns out to be Mary's deal. She made up the virgin birth story and people bought it.

I was expecting more wrath.

I rented that on DVD and really liked it. The commentary adds a lot because Bey Logan does a great job of explaining who all the actors are while geeking out about martial arts stuff in helpful ways.