you bastard

It seem like he have threatened you in the past

Isn’t that the point of being rich?

you mean

Nothing about how bizarrely out of place that Meghan Trainor spot was during the pregame? I’m dying for someone to take a giant turd on it.

One time I picked “I Keep Forgettin’” specifically to lull the crown in with my smooth Michael McDonald tones only to smack them in the face with an uncanny double-shot of Warren G and Nate Dogg on the closing verses of “Regulate”. It was a thing of beauty. A guy I knew had queued up “Wanted Dead Or Alive” (his second…

I’m known to sing “All That She Wants” in a lush basso when I’m home alone. Known by myself only, obviously.

yuuuuge

Oh, Jesus. Seriously, fuck this guy.

Pledging your life to the Dark Side will do that to you, man.

Don’t do Yoda like that

TBF 45 has done exactly what guys like Jerrah elected him for.

You don’t need to identify a state or city’s flag across a battlefield... yet.

Why does the Iowa state flag say “IOWA” on it? Because the flag’s so generic and boring that they’re afraid no one will be able to identify it? I mean, you’re Iowa. Everybody already knows you’re generic and boring. We probably could have guessed. I’m from New York. You know what our flag says? Motherfuckin’…

Peak Philly.

RIP Boogie and RIP conjugation

See, Drew, you get it. You can shit all over the Cowboys and make it classy, witty, and original. You don’t have to resort to the same old tired tropes when dressing down this team. There’s just so much more gold to be mined! As a lifelong Cowboys fan, this was just lovely. Thank you for being my favorite writer.

O’s were eyes doe

Irsay would never quit any of those things.