Manhattan is NEVER a viable data point when talking about real world costs.

Do NOT love your job. It will never return the favor.

I get the feeling that if Captain America were real, he'd be doing a lot of this kind of thing in between Hitler punches.

"Eat less, move more" is the equivalent of those people who show up on every diet article and quote Michael Pollan. Pollan's directive is not wrong, per se, but as advice for people, it's so broad that it's basically useless. (And both become even less cut-and-dry when you factor in exercise.)

Look, a lot of us who hate it have worked in food service. Fucking with people's food is an asshole move. I'm sorry you don't understand that.

Who leaves a cheap tip on a date? I'm in a long term relationship now, but that's an instant dealbreaker. I don't date cheap assholes who want to steal from waiters...

I have a new life goal: to never be so broke, selfish, gluttonous, stingy, paranoid and/or socially awkward that I'm tempted to falsify the size of a pizza before presenting it to my guests.

I would like to objectify a lemon cake right now.

I think the problem with that is that no matter what we do, someone says it's wrong. For every suggestion we get of something to do, someone else says that isn't the way to do it.

That was the story of two douchebags. Honestly the server looked worse to me. What an ass. I can see myself wanting to throw things at his or her smug coffee snob face. Then again, not sure why the customer kept going back so he's an idiot too

Yeah, that's kind of what I was thinking. 1) Why is the guy going there if they don't have regular black coffee. 2) What kind of coffee place doesn't just have coffee?

That coffee place sounds about as insufferable as that customer, tbh.

Should I act on this pipe dream

Mrs. P sounds like the person who would "forget" Dora existed when it came to the will and leave any assets to the front lawn.

And they never tip. That's the only customer stereotype in the industry about who doesn't tip that I will stand by.

The last one HAS to be a Fazoli's. HAS to, right?

This is Texas. Federal laws are for other states.

Oof. They are called self-help books for a reason. With the exception of the Lifehacker one, which is pretty universal, I would never give a self-help book as a gift unless I was absolutely sure the person I was giving it to would want that book. If I ever got a self-help book for Christmas, especially one about…

The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks & Win Your Inner Creative Battles by Steven Pressfield. Gives me the kick in the ass and the mindset to write. I pick it up again and browse through every 6 months when my motivation is low.

Unfunniest guy. Ever.