I pretended to be a Spanish Hapsburg, but that was apparently too deep a cut.

The Toronto Raptors now have the cap space to sign Mitch Marner.

According to the unwritten rules Pillar gets to charge the mound via Media Mail.

Fuck, just in time for the release of the new Ford Bronco.

That’s a bullshit way to break up a no-hitter. 

I want to see if the new location actually solves this, so please report back.

Achievement unlocked: Kobyashi Maru 

Apparently, it wasn’t just her own name she declined to say with 60 Minutes’s requisite lifelessnes, but she was also told she had “too much emotion” in her voice while reporting out stories. “So I was working on pulling myself down and flattening out my personality — which, for me, is actually not such a good thing,”…

This is so dumb that... it works?

Me too!  My mom gave me the original copy she still had, and I read it to my daughter who is OBSESSED with Sesame Street.  

Yeahbut screw the Elmo sequel

Hockey is just the best goddamn sport.

I don’t know, I keep trying to imagine Trump eating a piece of fruit, and it’s just not happening.

He would have liked to laugh it all off, but he wasn’t abel.

I now understand why having dangerously soft bones is called Ricket’s Disease

Here’s a thought, and I’m just spit-balling: What if the school guarantees the kid won’t get paid? 

The old ladies in my grandmother’s bridge league were regularly users of HGH. Hydrox, Gin, and Halobetasol for rashes.  

> Remember when you released Nutcracker VS Mothra or whatever that was

To be fair, I don’t think it matters what movie comes out in proximity to this one.

More of this please. And this. Skaters have no business driving into the crease and should pay the price when they do.