Mom: we can have Christmas at my house.
Me: nope, we're gonna do it at siblings house
Repeat every conversation for a month.

This joke was lost on the humorless. You're just an easy target.

My sister was/is a hoarder. Its a family trait, we have an aunt who does it too.

Someone call Megyn Kelly. SANTA WAS HUMAN.

PORN BY CANDLELIGHT

Blow my mind and put me to sleep. All you'll hear is Zzzzzzz, from me

Crazy guess: Ingrid is white.

Oh for God sake, Joan Rivers, she's not doing the photoshop to herself. She's not sitting in a room somewhere, in front of a computer, cackling while she photoshops her movie posters. Quit being such a stupid dink.

I almost lost my mastiff and three cats to a fire in my apartment this week, literally my worst nightmare came true, coming home to my a fire with my animals dead inside. I have followed jez for quite some time, and have always been to nervous to comment. This touched my heart.

Real missed opportunity to use "Khristmas" Lindy.

Yup, he likes "SMACK! STRANGLE! POP!" Rice Krispies.

Golden lab logic.

Aww. This is one of my greatest fears. My dog chased buoys all of the time (thinking they were bobbing toys, I guess), and would actually leap out of the boat to get them....

Him, not you.

I would have gone with "cheesewheels" myself.

Nigella stated early on during the trial that Saatchi didn't allow her to have dinner parties at home. In fact, he doesn't even like proper food. He prefers cereal.

ERMAGERD!!! Okay, so I work in the food industry and generally professional chefs do not cook at home on a regular basis. They slave away in the kitchen anywhere between 8-16 hours a day, so the last thing they'd want to do when they have some time off is cook in the kitchen.

So long as you don't stiff me on the bourbon, I got no complaints