Failed Dashiell Hammett novel, or Crime Mad Libs?

Just realized that I credited the support as coming from the Attorney General, when it was in fact the Lieutenant Governor. Whoops.

That's a great suggestion, thanks!

Even if A&E hadn't caved so quickly, the duckers apparently didn't have to worry, as their state attorney general had already pledged to help them find new producers:

I like how you put that.

I posted this in the previous Duck Dynasty post, but it seems appropriate to add again:

For fuck's sake.

Make him a booklet of "coupon" gifts. For him to give you massages.

Soda stream recipe!
Soda water (duh)
Ice cubes
Sugar syrup
Cucumber vodka
Cucumber slices, if you want to get fancy

It's like drinking bubbly and boozy spa water. Refreshing, but packs a punch. I made some for my neighbors a few weeks ago and, despite telling everyone how much alcohol was in them, one of them got tipsy…

I'm embarrassed to admit that I didn't like the gift from my boyfriend this year. It's a t-shirt with a nerd reference that I get, but is unisex and clearly too large for me. Plus, it's scratchy. It's not that it's not something expensive that bothers me (as I know he's on a tight budget), but that it doesn't even…

I bow down to the clearly-more-committed username.

Apologies if this has already been posted.

In that case, it's definitely a pickle. In fact, multiple pickles.

Freud would have a field day with that question...

But I think it's actually a branch. I snagged the pic from google images and a quick and dirty photoshop.

That man can sell me robot insurance any day.

I think the earring disqualified him. Ugh.
But I fixed it:

Just tell your husband you want to try some necklace-earning role-playing. You're practically guaranteed to get lucky.

Holy cow, the Kentucky Derby one is already a goldmine (not intended as a pun, but I'm leaving it):