One of the important milestones we all go through is learning the lasting pleasure of putting others down to make ourselves feel better.

TL;DR:

I checked out your hunch on google images, and am pleased to report that you may be psychic:

I think he hit "send" too quickly.

They're supposed to look like wings covered in barnacles, right?

And it's not even a leap year. Criminy.

Dear Jezebel,

The collar in your pic looks a lot like the Harry Barker collar my first dog had. He passed away last year (I'd adopted him as a senior rescue, so knew I wouldn't have too much time), and I'm about halfway through getting the collar tattooed on my arm. :-)

A quick (academic, ahem) search of PornHub reveals that plenty of straight guys seem to like anuses. Perhaps the world has more ways to get off than are dreamt in the Duck Dynasty philosophy.

Hey, Lindy, I'mma let you finish, but I sat through a boyfriend's vasectomy, and I probably would pay the $700 to forget the smell of burning vas deferens and the noise he made when he smelled it.

"and baconbaconbaconyeah hath proclaimed it, and so it shall be uttered, across the midwest." :-)

As someone who grew up in Minnesota, let me be among the first to say that I am looking forward to the potential new insults this creates an opportunity for. "Cheesetires" is leading the pack so far.

As someone who just came back from a hike with my dogs in which they smelled ALL THE SMELLS, I'm really curious to see…

For a while, my OK Cupid profile included a "Message me if....'you know a bar around here that can make a decent Sazerac.'"

LOL, another award!

Kids these days, man...are we just going to create another generation of entitled cancer-surviving kids who think they're superheroes?

I'll just be over here shipping Batkid and Wondergirl.

Yes, very good...all my funding of drunk monkey research is finally paying off with SCIENCE I CAN BELIEVE IN.

On behalf of the internet, I humbly request that picture. :-)

"Hello, sweetie! Like the hair?"

Stop being so mean, guys! Without Pinterest, we wouldn't have PINTEREST FAILS!One of my favorite sources of internet laughs. And I don't even feel mean, because I assume most people posted their own fails.

Not trying to start anything, but Madeleine posted a Lil BUB Christmas video a few minutes after this. Will this be the new dividing issue for Jezebel writers?
Adam Levine: sexy or not?
Christmas lights: multicolor or white?