That’s kind of unfair to plastic. Plastic is at least useful to society and does its best to be flexible about its ways.

There is only one response to this:

I totally see the resemblance. A black woman working for Faux News? Emotionally she must be a hollowed out piece of plastic.

I can't believe this is real. This can't be real. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

I feel like I’d come away covered in smears of self-tanner.

I loved the pink hair

I just can’t with his ridiculous face. No thanks.

would not

They look like Barbie and Ken knockoffs.

A $1 cocktail is a bottle of Mad Dog and a glass of ice.

My manager finally comes over and informs me that she is removing the gratuity from the bill.

Happy Hour margs—-

There’s a new commercial on Hulu for United Methodist Churches that says “Church can happen anywhere” ...that phrase really scares me for some reason...like I’m going to wake up in my house, go downstairs, and there’s church going on.... gives me the chills.

Free range kids is a thing, but unfortunately so is dumping your 4 year old at the bookstore so you can get your nails done and using "free range kids" as an excuse.

Say what you will about the pizza mugger, at least he was straightforward about taking money out of the driver’s pocket. He didn't come up with bullshit reasons to not leave a tip, he didn't put a waiter through an hour of hell and leave a buck, he didn't come in with a complex plan to scam free food that he used…

I second this. Chick tracks and those fucking fake twenties.

Does anyone know how to become a contestant on Shark Tank?

I believe I can speak for all of us when I say, “Fuck Church Groups”

I saw her lift herself out of her chair and audibly fart. She farted. In a restaurant.

Well she went to school with my great aunt, who’s 82, so. She’s also 82. There. Mystery solved again.