“Being trapped in a hole with Cara Delevingne” would be a good white card.

But what about historical throat stabbings?

We watched it a few months ago; I’d never seen it (although I was familiar with the plot). I get why it was a hit, but man, does almost nothing happen in that movie. Guy moves to town. Can’t dance! Dance anyway. The end!

Maybe.

Hey! That’s my job!

*Roberts Downey Jr.

Wow, this sounds... bizarre, to say the least. Like, a bunch of people had to look at this and go, “Yes, let’s spend millions of dollars on this.”

You assume correct; Disney’s market cap is currently just over $200 billion.

You mean the actors? Pascal was born in Chile but he’s lived in the US since he was a small child, so he has a fairly typical American accent.

Of the Bavarian Gambolputty de von …

The call of shawarma was too strong.

Take your goddamn star you monster.

What about the Utah River in Jordan?

“I love that you know what a meme is.”

I accidentally saw a minute of this on a TV at a restaurant I was at, despite my best efforts. Does that count?

I get caring about a large fictional universe and its interconnections, but it only works if the nodes in that web (pun intended) are actually any good on their own. Once it starts being a big self-referential franchise clusterfuck, who gives a shit? Let’s spend our time on other things.

Complaining about editing on the A.V. Club? What is this, 2016?

Is there a bird spider in here?!

Are you saying it’s Morbin’ time again?