Anything other than 'Git gud' is just bad advice, IMO. 

+1 ‘expected value’ joke

Things to kill in 2019:

Can we leave in 2018 articles with 3625 words that say exactly zero?

Shockingly easy, kinda like Rousey got lit up by Holly Holm, a result entirely too predictable to almost everyone except for Deadspin writers.

Careful Tom, you might upset Greg Howard. And you don’t want to see Greg Howard upset.

Really? That’s the takeaway here? Not, you know, actually try and avoid injecting or consuming steroids in any way, shape or form?

That’s exactly what a dead person would tweet.

Lack of depth? Is Guardiola really complaining about lack of depth after spending 75 million euros for Mahrez, who should be an afterthought in all of City’s squad?

Coaches severely misunderstand the necessity of having to take time off the clock. Leaving enough time for teams to setup the field goal will always come back to haunt you. There's no longer defenses that can be trusted to win you games regularly. The game now is too fast, offensive coordinators are taking up modern…

Lakes, the equivalent of football fans to rivers.

He painfully reversed his vasectomy in an accident which in hindsight will be funny, didn’t he?

You mean +6.282...

I love how the Power and Control wheel only applies to women being the victims on heterossexual relationships. Yes, let’s immediately (or at least, not consider) domestic violence against men on heterossexual relationships or against partners in a homossexual relationship. Because fuck those people, right?

You are so objectively wrong that your children, your children’s children and their children will bear some marking reminiscent of the curse you’ve brought upon yourself by being so wrong.

“Well... Fuck this, I’m not paid for this shit"

Hey, my birthday is on March 17th and I take offense to your comment, buddy! 

Jesus Christ

Still, defenses were balling yesterday. Compare that to the Super Bowl from last year, where there were may be 2 or 3 defensive plays (I think one interception and the forced fumble that led to the game winning FG). We saw 3 defensive touchdowns, interceptions, sacks, forced fumbles galore yesterday. The only thing…

And then Artie burns?