Those whoreible whore houses! Taking advantage of lonely, sci-fi loving men.

How much to go around the universe? I want to go deep into your sarlacc system.

50" plasma; 5.1 surround sound system, loud kids who talk to the entire time - watching movies at home is just as unimmersive as paying $40.00 at the theatre.

It's like you've know me my whole life.

Typical Commenters on Gizmodo:

Nothing is more guilt-inducing than a butt-plug with WWJD inscribed upon it.

Sorry. That was my poor attempt at negging.

Withholding judgement until it is confirmed that this child doesn't suffer from some sort of past trauma to the brain.

Just this month I got into two car accidents (both my fault), my daughter became severely allergic to treenuts (the kind of allergy that kills you; she's alright); and I flooded my home when I tried to install a bidet toilet seat . . . on Christmas.

I like your comment but I feel like it could be funnier.

The term I learned this year that deserves the most hate: Push present.

I was divorced before it became cool.

Yes. You can write a book about what a freak Hawkings is.

Husbands are typically supposed to die before their wives — he just got tired of waiting.

I think therefore I ranch.

You are so right. Bad breath makes me forget the hangover.

Bigger drinks?

I don't know what I did last night or who I did it with, but I've now got The Clapper.

We do not believe that babies are a bother. They are a paycheck, a new character on a reality TV show, a new child for our other children to raise, a blank slate to be indoctrinated in our particular flavor of dogma. Don't forget to catch us on TV in the Fall. God Bless.

I've wasted my life.