I grew up having mixed feelings about guns. When my father found out that children are more likely to drown than to be accidentally shot, he put in a pool.

It reminds me of the time when I was walking in the park - just minding my biz eating from an open jar of peanut butter - when I bumped into a little girl eating chocolate. Her treat fell into my peanut butter jar. I gave her chocolate back to her, smiled, and said, "Hey your chocolate is in my peanut butter." She…

Everyone mocked me when I said Jobs would appear to us again.

This is one thing Tivo really got right. It can tell you when you search a movie where you can stream it from (Amazon, Blockbuster, Hulu, or Netflix).

All I can see is the nose piece. It's like she's wearing the optigrab.

Do you really believe these words that you've written? A tough sell?

"Who seriously pays for porn nowadays, anyway?"

If you can get decent OTA TV, do it. The only thing I miss about cable is the original programming on the way too expensive movie channels. Is there a way to get HBO Go without subscribing like, say, use your parents' account.

So I don't have cable or satellite. I do over the air and use a Tivo. Would Google TV work for me?

Hmm . . . are you sure it was Cancer. Looks like Lupus to me.

I want a 70" TV that requires slide to unlock on it.

$2 bills are bad luck don't cha' know.

They didn't let her keep her moon rock but the did buy her breakfast: Moons over My Hammy.

Prisoner: Siri, tell me the name of the toughest dude in the joint.

Not to be a brown-noser, but I smell a sequel.

Thanks. If I have prevented just one person from eating the great balls of fire, I've done my job.

When I order a Coke and am given a Diet Coke, I could murder somebody.

Just a wonderfully written piece. Wow.

Once you've had Burt's Bees on your lips, you will never go back to Chapstick. Trust me on this.

Thanks everyone.