There is an easy fix here: booster seats for women.

Wait. Where are these super cool, non-judgemental moms, full of reason and lucid advice?

The sad part is that Alexis will never carry on her mother's true genius. Martha is like the Steve Jobs of the crafting world. All the things you can decoupage, or glitter, or sequin, or emboss, lost. Gone forever.

My imaginary child's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle costume caught on fire. He ran across the street only to be hit by a car (how did the driver not notice this). In his last moments he consumed some of the poisonous, razor blade filled candy that he obtained while Trick-or-Treating. As I began beating out the flames,…

I have a theory that the removable carseat industry is going to run with this data.

[ding-dangblog.blogspot.com] This is what happened when I got caught.

My childhood: "We are going to live on a Kibbutz!"

Yikes. That's a tough way to view the world. I understand the sentiment behind it but geesh.

I generally like to express where I think the relationship is headed through interpretive dance. When I did a cabbage patch to a running man, she cried and yelled, "You're leaving me?!"

"Twenty-three percent prized communication above all else"

"You always called me 'white trash' but I want you to know that I never judged you like that so-called Dr. I'll be over by the pool when you are ready to apologize."

I can see this. After about five minutes of doing either, I just want to go to sleep.

I would but she has this thing about Bleu Cheese and Jabanero sauce near her genitals — such a prude.

I used to say that too until I had Chicken Wings for the first time.

So this is why so many womeon on face book use OMG!

I have elephantitis of the nuts and I assure you my bag does deserve and need its own chair. Way to be insenitive, Andrew.

MY daughter wears Jeggings. She's 19 months old and has the worst VDL (Visable Diaper Line) I've ever seen.

BILLY MAZE HERE FOR THE SUICIDE MACHINE 2000K + ORANGE CLEAN. ARE YOU TIRED OF ALL THOSE MESSY, FAILED ATTEMPTS AT SUICIDE. I WAS TOO. NOW WE HAVE FOUND A WAY TO UNLEASH YOUR SOUL AND THE AMAZING CLEANING POWER OF ORANGES IN ONE MACHINE.

Of course we are still depressed. I mean just look at what's going on in the world:

More like ships it to Cash4Gold to get a check for $30.00 two months later.