Oh yeah. Let's see you text it to my face.

As a Samurai, I find that word demeaning.

This is so cheeky.

Do you ever smile?

Ketchup contains lycopene which helps prevent cancer. More ketchup = more cancer prevention. This is a win-win. Right?

VP: Hi there young lady, can you come inside my van for a second. Nothing weird. Promise. I just want to see you dip and squeeze. There's free fries too. Hey where are you . . . Christ, we lost another one.

The craziest thing about this: no speaker grills.

*Hands in the air*

They aren't very good at having sex, they are having very few babies, and they enjoy incest. Hmm . . . sounds like white people.

When my father goes into a swear-word rant, I sit back and just listen. It's like hearing jazz music for the first time. It sounds awful and seems to make no sense, yet you know that deep down there is some underlying genius to it that you just don't understand. Either that or he has tourettes. I can't be sure.

I wish we could cover up New Jersey.

"I told you to defrag but did you listen? You don't respect me. Maybe it's time we moved on. Perhaps Lion is more your speed. TTFN"

I agree. But I'm going to undercut this woman by opening my own oversized flag business but subcontracting the work to China. God bless free enterprise.

The reason our testosterone levels are dropping is because our kids are kicking us in the balls . . . repeatedly. :(

Not sure Jews care what Jesus thinks.

The vibrator I purchased there for my wife never works on Saturdays.

I will miss Nan. I never thought of her as a bitch. She was just tough. Also, the little girl dressed as someone from "Teen Mom" was priceless.

How could Bobby have a kid and not name her Tender Roni?

They know it's a boy because the fetes just tweeted a pic of his dick.

image fail.