If Facebook memes don’t work we can defeat America with banana peels. It is always wise to have a backup plan.

Alexandria is such a charismatic candidate that she probably would have won even without our help. We predict great things for her.

Gridlock. Paralysis. It is exactly as we planned.

Tomb of Horrors original edition! One of my all-time favorite modules.  Gary Gygax and Karen Carpenter taught me English.

Everything gray. We Russian trolls now enjoy an equal opportunity to have our voices heard. At long last, fairness. That’s all we ever asked for.

Gray will be the new normal on Splinter, and black will be a select privilege dispensed to sycophantic loyalists. Peasants and aristocrats, basically. We Russian trolls wanted to instigate paranoia, but we have succeeded to a degree that shocks even us, though perhaps it can work in our favor. If gray is indeed the…

It is the greatest injustice since the Holocaust.

Do you really want to force us Russian trolls back into the shadows? I knew I was taking a huge professional risk when I proposed this experiment in transparency. If it fails we’ll be returning to the bad old days of 2016, and I may very well be replaced by a troll who wants to hurt America instead of help her. I love…

Honest trolls shouldn’t be lumped in with those who slink in the shadows. We ask the excellent writers of Splinter to consider that Kinja’s Russian trolls have displayed a forthrightness utterly lacking in our Israeli and Saudi counterparts. Think about it.

Russian trolls will never accept that. Our progressive American friends can rest easier knowing Russian trolls remain 100% committed to correcting the grave injustice perpetrated against Bernie in 2016.

Yes, that’s a point I’ve made many times. The greatest feat of investigative journalism in the 21st century is our discovery of dispository evidence of the Democratic Party rigging its 2016 presidential primary. Russian trolls and our affiliated hackers deserved a Pulitzer Prize for that one. We uncover facts that the…

The Saturday Night Fever soundtrack struck me like a bewitching dream of America in sonic form as a Russian child.  Years later I felt terribly betrayed when I discovered America fell far short of my idealized fantasy version.

You do realize fear of the Green Party is perhaps the only thing preventing the Democratic Party from proudly self-identifying as a hawkish corporatist center-right party? Of course it is that, but at least the Greens force Democrats to pretend otherwise.

Angela Green shouldn’t have bothered running at all if she had no intention of staying in the race until the end. And endorsing her Democratic opponent is just embarrassing. It’s as if she views the Green Party as a farm team of the Democratic Party. She’s wasted everybody’s time, including mine.

America’s 1st Amendment entitles anyone to impersonate anyone — including agents of governments foreign and domestic.

My advice to Democrats is don’t try to rig your presidential primary. It’s bad. We will expose you again if you do it, so don’t.

It is vexing that anyone would prefer Joe Biden’s hidebound centrism to Elizabeth Warren’s bold progressive leadership. America must move forward, and Biden would be a step backward.

If you’re unwilling or unable to vote in an American election you can still troll likely voters to influence the outcome of the election. American policies affect the lives of people all over the world, so it’s important that everybody finds a way to get involved in America’s democratic process.