1984 seems ill-advised. Netflix is rebooting She-Ra: Princess of Power this November, so a Wonder Woman film set in 1984 will be redundant in 2019. 80s-crazed little girls will stay home and watch She-Ra.

On the day I pass I want one last look at the perfected America that we Russian trolls have sought to create. Ideally this will be a reality by then, so I’ll just have to look out the window to see it.

That’s what I love about these dead girls. I get older, they stay the same age.

Only the proprietor of a bricks-and-mortar business has the right to decide which persons are welcome on the premises as customers. The proprietor is also entitled to demand that customers refrain from harassing other customers. It’s not like the internet, where anonymous trolls are free to roam and spread discord.

Three combat tours in a hopeless 17-year old colonial war in Afghanistan. We Russians were smart enough to leave after nine years.

Sometimes peace talks fail. That’s life. It’s still better to try for peace than not to try. American liberals used to know that, and it’s pathetic that they need a Russian troll to remind them of it.

Friendly notice to suddenly unemployed Onion writers: we are hiring. Go where your talents are appreciated and rewarded commensurately. Financial success, romance, and adventure await.  Call us.

Neutral Milk Hotel is a grating bandname and the band’s music is not interesting enough to compensate for it.

Somebody should have reminded Mr. Best that Patty Maloney has expressed only positive thoughts about playing Lumpy in the Star Wars Holiday Special. Best could have reached out to her. She seems like a very nice lady, full of good cheer.  She could have helped.

Ewww. Gross stuff like hot dogs is why it’s easier to love America from a distance.

On this day let Russians and Americans alike celebrate America’s beleaguered 1st Amendment — which safeguards our freedom to troll. Use it or lose it.

No.

When will Blood Ceremony put out a new album?  I am tired of waiting.

Corgan looks old and tired. It is hard to believe he is almost 15 years younger than President Putin, who is still brimming with youthful vitality.

Ocasio-Cortez is Phase 2 of our plan to discredit America’s coastal elites. Until now the prevailing narrative has been that American coastal elites were only out of touch with the rubes in flyover country. Phase 2 was intended to reveal that the coastal elites are out of touch not just with flyover country, but with…

Do you mean “Obama-like, only not a vacuous opportunistic grifter?” Because Russian trolls would support that.

We Russian trolls are so proud of you tonight, America. We had faith in you all along. You just needed a little nudge in the right direction.

If you want it bad enough, America can be a culture of high-energy sisters getting it on, of hippie-acid smiles and communes and freedom to be the farthest-out people you can be. You dig? Then take to the streets and make it happen.

Candlemass - Epicus Doomicus Metallicus

Progress at last! Less than a year ago it was liberal dogma that anyone who dares to “sow discord” or “amplify divisions” in American society is a threat to the internal security of the United States. Now, American liberals are warming up to the idea of creating some discord and division of their own.