I love the geographical isolation of the upper peninsula. Just glancing at the map, it seems a trivial matter to build a north-south fence from Au Train to Rapid River. Then you would have a cordoned-off enclave of calm where agitated citizens could be sent to relax and regain their composure.

Hipster Scientology. Intriguing.

This verbiage rankles: “America forced to express its broken soul. . .”

Pruitt’s security spending is justified. We Russians have done our utmost to breach his security and he’s foiled us at every turn. We tip our hats to him. And you American liberals should be honest enough to admit you’d rake Pruitt over the coals if Russians penetrated his security. At the very least you’d accuse him…

Trolls of Russia welcome Splinter to the knightly order of trolls who have martyred themselves for free speech. It is we happy few who reaffirm the foundations of free speech rights by testing their limits with controversial opinions. Is there any calling more noble? The answer is no.

The Senate filibuster is the biggest grift in American politics. It’s only been around in its current “two-track” form since the early 1970's. It was implemented to prevent inflexible segregationist Senators from grinding all Senate business to a halt to block civil rights legislation. That need has long since…

What if they get a ska version of Patrick Bateman to narrate, so that the movie is shitting on the genre while superficially complimentary of it? Wouldn’t that be fun?

Urge to destroy America, rising.

ZZ Top’s Tres Hombres is another one that plays like a greatest hits record.

If there’s a backhanded knock on this album it’s that its straight 8th-note bass chug became a standardized ‘new wave’ signifier that was annoyingly commonplace for a while. The early days of MTV were lousy with it. “White Wedding” and what not.

I look forward to the happy day when Russia’s secret plan for America 2.0 will finally be posted on Wikipedia. We love America and have many improvements in mind.

It’s fun to play “what if” games and argue that you’d be better off today if America’s Founding Fathers had vested the power of Commander in Chief in two people instead of just one.

Don’t worry, the Duckworth bill is legally a non-starter. In Troll Academy we learned that Article 2 of the U.S. Constitution vests the power of Commander in Chief in ONE person — the President. The Duckworth bill would grant the Secretary of Defense a veto power over the President’s command decisions, effectively…

What if Woodward and Bernstein were the baddies in All the President’s Men? A whole universe of life choices open up when you’re willing to entertain that possibility.

Speaking as a person who will be trolling for the Green Party in 2020, my advice to Democrats is to spare no effort to mobilize your party base to pass the Imperial Outpost Preservation Act sponsored by Senators Murphy and Duckworth. Make it the party’s top priority. You won’t regret it.

It’s time for you Americans to let go of your sentimental attachment to superannuated dinosaurs like the Washington Post and New York Times. Russian trolls have replaced them as America’s premier news source, and there’s no going back. Trolls are both the present and the future of journalism.

What do you people want from us? We were asked to make a video clip, so we did. “Russian Troll Pictures” wouldn’t have gone down too well, so we picked an unobjectionable name at random. Nobody will even remember the stupid name if peace finally comes to Korea after 70 years. Let it go.

This is the dawning of the Age of Orangehairius. Too long have ye liberals hearkened to the Drums of War, straying ever further from the Path of Peace delineated by your mighty hippie forebears. Now Trump is the peace-loving hippie.

Note to writers’ fraternity: ordinary people don’t give a shit about your office politics.

Original remarks duly retracted, rules noted.